


On My Own

by the_only_education_worth_having



Series: Advent Calendar of Fics [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s, Angst, Crush, Daydreaming, Feelings, Flirting, Hogwarts, LGBT, Love, M/M, Marauders era, Mauraders, Pining, Sadness, Songfic, Unrequited Love, wanting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27896236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_only_education_worth_having/pseuds/the_only_education_worth_having
Summary: Without me his world will go on turning, a world that’s full of happiness that I have never known.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Advent Calendar of Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042707
Kudos: 14





	On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> On My Own - Les Mis [x]

Remus lay awake in bed. He could hear nothing but the steady snoring of the other three boys in his dormitory. He pondered how they could sleep so soundly in their beds with no cares in the world whilst he lay awake unable to drift off. After a while of tossing and turning, he gave up and sat up before he pulled the curtains back and climbed out of his four-poster bed. His feet hit the floor with a soft thud and he walking slowly across the bedroom floor trying not to creak any of the floorboards as he went. His dressing gown was tucked in his trunk and he was unable to retrieve it without waking anyone up so he nabbed James’ invisibility cloak off of the back of a chair and slipped it over his shoulder. As he snuck out of the heavy wood door he looked back in the room to make sure he had not woken any of the boys. His eyes cast over all of their forms which were sleeping soundly in all appearances as their bedclothes rose and fell with each breath. 

Just before he left he took one last look at Sirius. He was fast asleep, his face positioned towards the door his mouth agape as he snored quietly. His black hair was splayed across the pillow behind him like a waterfall allowing Remus to be able to see each and every plane of his face, illuminated by the moonlight. Remus sighed. Even asleep he looked beautiful. 

As he got outside the dorm room he threw the cloak over him allowing it to drape down his tall frame and eventually trail along the floor as it hid him from the world. Though this was a risk as he moved down the spiral staircase Remus negotiated downstairs with no bother and was soon in the cold, unlit common room which seemed oddly eerie without the hoards of Gryffindor's’ that usually took over every nook of the tower. He walked towards the portrait hole and pushed it open gently, ignoring the fat ladies calls as she failed to see who had just left Gryffindor Tower. 

As he made his way down the corridor he found himself delving into his thoughts. It was easy to do now that he was in the main section of the castle. There was no one else around apart from the occasional ghost who paid him no attention and peeves who didn’t dare take him on either. 

As he walked through the castle his mind went to Sirius. They had been friends since their first year of school. Sirius had been there for him in ways no one else was. He knew his deepest secrets and he did not judge him for it. In fact, Sirius and the rest of the guys were taking steps to become animagi so that they could help him through his journey each month. He covered for him when he was late to class after oversleeping after a full moon. He helped cover his scratches and cuts when he was hurt. He made him laugh with his stories and jokes even when he wasn’t feeling particularly feeling good himself. 

He was his best friend. 

Though lately, he had been feeling like it was more. He was sure Sirius didn’t feel the same way but he could not stop himself. He rationalised with himself throughout the day but at night it was different. At night he could imagine the things Sirius would say to him. What he wanted him to say to him. 

‘It’s stupid,’ he muttered to himself.   
‘When are you ever stupid,’ Sirius said. Remus turned and spotted Sirius stood beside him watching him with that signature crooked smile. It wasn’t real. Remus knew that and still, he said, ‘Sirius. You don’t know what I was thinking?’  
‘Oh I’m sure I could guess,’ Sirius said walking in front of him. He turned around and faced Remus, walking backwards with his hands in his pockets. 

‘I bet you couldn’t,’ Remus said.   
‘Of course, I can. I’m your best friend,’ Sirius said, ‘you were thinking about me, right?’   
‘Sirius,’ Remus breathed feeling a blush creep upon his cheeks.   
‘You are thinking about the other night when you woke from a nightmare and I came and sat on your bed,’ Sirius said stopping dead in his tracks so that Remus almost walked into him. The taller boy looked down on Sirius whose grey eyes were looking up with reckless abandon. Remus gulped.   
‘You were thinking about how I helped heal that slash across your chest. The way I put essence of dittany right here,’ Sirius said letting his trail across Remus’ pec which sent a shiver down Remus’ spine.   
‘You shouldn’t do that,’ Remus said, ‘people might get the wrong idea.’  
‘There’s no one here,’ Sirius said with a chuckle, ‘and don’t pretend that your mind is not full of wrong ideas.’  
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Remus said darting his eyes up to the high stone ceilings trying to calm down his thumping heart. He figured that at this point half the castle could probably hear how much his heart was racing. 

‘Come on Moony. It’s just us. You can admit it to yourself here.’  
‘I can’t Pads,’ Remus said with a lump in his throat, ‘you know I can’t. If I say it then it’s real and it can’t be real because it can’t happen. Ever.’  
‘It could if you let it,’ Sirius said reaching a hand up to catch the tear that was now forming in his eyes.  
‘Sirius-’ Remus started but his sentence was cut short as he heard footsteps around the corner behind him. He turned quickly and found Filch rounding the corner holding a lantern with a leer on his face. 

‘Who’s there?’ he said, ‘don’t hide. I heard ya sneaking about down here. C’mon show yourself.’ 

Remus moved out of the way as Filch zig zagged around the hallway, squatting every other step as if looking for trip wires. As he disappeared around the corner Remus turned to look at his side and sniggered though it faded away as he realised he was alone. The minutes he had with Sirius no matter how unreal it was he still treasured. With a heavy heart he plodded back to the dorm and entered finding the boys still sleeping soundly. He deposited the cloak back on the chair and walked to his bed. As he kicked his shoes off he heard movement and looked up to see a very muddled Sirius watching him curiously. 

‘Rem? What time is it?’ he said with a yawn.   
‘It’s the middle of the night. Go back to sleep,’ Remus said climbing into bed and pulling the covers over him.   
‘You okay? You shouldn’t roam the castle on your own y’know’ he mumbled lying back and closing his eyes.   
‘I’m fine,’ Remus said before adding quietly, ‘I wasn’t on my own.’

If Sirius heard he didn’t let on and after a few minutes he was back snoring soundly leaving Remus once more the only one awake in the room. He sighed and looked up at the canopy of red velvet above him. It was going to be a long night.


End file.
